Betty ford says i'm here all night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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