I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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