when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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