My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
