im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
