She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
