By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
