i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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