They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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