Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
