He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
