in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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