Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
