Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
