All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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