Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
