If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
