I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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