It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
