And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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