i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
These tits shall not be calmed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
