I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need a sexual gate keeper
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
