i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
