literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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