Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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