I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize