Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
