i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
