we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
