He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
