the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just sucked dick on a ferry
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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