we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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