thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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