I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
