goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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