If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
