Apparently you make a good broom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
