i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
