i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think your dad took our porno
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
