does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
