Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
