All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
