You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
