The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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