Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
