Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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