Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The power of my boobs compel you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
