Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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