is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
