Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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