Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
