So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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