omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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