I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
