In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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