U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
