I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
