It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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