i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
