Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize