After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
