In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
