first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
