she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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