like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
