I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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