Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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