In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
