u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
