cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
