before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
