mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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