Kiss
Puke
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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