I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
