eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need to align my fucking chakras
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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