today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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