I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
