my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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