I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
