how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
