Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
